Why Your Tone of Voice Matters More Than You Think in Relationships

“I have something to tell you, Derek.” I believe I know your heart, and I don’t believe you mean to hurt others, but your words to them can be quite cutting. It also occasionally hurts people’s feelings.”

I was stunned by what my friend Danny had just said to me. “Really? Sharp?” I replied.

I had been rewarded for that style of communication in the sports arena for the previous six years of my life, so I was completely unaware of how I came across and my tone of voice.

But now that I wasn’t playing sports (you have to be really good when you’re only 5’7′′), I had to relearn how to communicate with people.

That’s strange to type. It was, however, correct.

I became more aware of how I was perceived over the next few weeks. My reaction to something said by a friend would be as sharp as a pairing knife. Ouch. I did it yet again.

I started making excuses. A great deal.

One of my friends, Danny, was correct. I apologize if I offended you. I never meant to be hurtful. But I was deafeningly, deafeningly, deafeningly, deafeningly, deafeningly, deafen…

“What you say isn’t as important as how you say it,” It’s something I’m sure you’ve heard before. And it’s entirely correct.

No matter what kind of connection you’re in, your tone of voice when conversing can influence the vibe of the room. In any situation, whether a disagreement or a casual conversation, your tone can be beneficial or detrimental.

We know that nonverbal action on the part of the speaker accounts for a significant portion of what the listener perceives when talking face-to-face. Your body language and voice tone reveal far more about your intentions than you may believe.


As a result, even though it’s natural for me to do so, I try not to cross my arms when I’m talking to someone. I lean forward when I’m at a table. I try to present myself as “open” when communicating.

For the most part, I believe we have a good understanding of how to treat our professional relationships.

We understand the significance of how we present ourselves when communicating with clients, employees, and supervisors. When we’re with our friends and family, we let our guard down and don’t pay as much attention to how we look.

It is beneficial to relax your guard. That is something we should consider! But, regardless of how close they are, I would encourage us all to be much more aware of how we come across when speaking with others.

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